The Universe is Big

Archive for December, 2009

one man’s opinion: a self-indulgent narcissist masturbating publicly

the original intention in creating this blog was simple: chronicle the experiences of my travels outside of new york city. after uprooting 10 years of fundamentals, things were about to get even more interesting. my goal was to be as straightforward and honest as possible in recoding the adventure in order to fully understand it, not to pull punches, hyper-inflate, or downplay anything that happened. we’re talking true journalistic integrity here, people. a shift to reportage instead of planning.

that lasted about 36 hours. maybe 40.

have you ever blogged before? i often feel it is the internet equivalent of a self-indulgent narcissist masturbating publicly in front of a mirror. ‘ooooh yeah… man, i look good. this FEELS good. it’s all good. people want to read the things that i write because my experiences are so interesting, so REAL. my life is totally worth watching because i am superiorly interesting.’

when i left nyc, i had something to prove. to my family, my friends, to all of the circles i ran in (and ran around in), to my ex-girlfriend, to the job i left behind… and most importantly, to myself.  there was all this space around me that needed filling, and i aimed to do just that– fill up my experience pocket with as much life as i could possible jam in there.

oh, and jam i did. to be fair, there wasn’t really much jamming necessary. things flowed so fluidly, with a satisfying viscosity on all fronts. my engine purred and my tires devoured the path. the jamming only came in handy when obstacles rose up from time to time, and sure enough, i became quite good at convincing round holes to accept pegs of various of shapes and sizes.

before i go any further, two things should be noted:
a) i haven’t updated my blog in about 6 months, during which time many, many, many incredibly huge events have risen and passed which have had an immense impact on my life.
b) the reason behind this is that i have been in the process of re-launching theuniverseisbig.com, and didn’t want to add anything new to the old system that would have to be inevitably entered into the new one.

the re-launch is still happening– it is almost done, in fact. however, this isn’t about that at all.

you’ll have to understand that at first, a small part of me had felt like i had fallen behind on my work, on the commitment to prove everything to everyone…

‘hey, guess what world?! scott’s alive and totally killin’ it right now. holla!’

…i’ve come to realize that this voice was much, much louder when i first started. over the course of the past two years it has softened, streamlined. although, i should note– to be fair– were one to actually chart the volume and sincerity of this voice, it would most definitely not be a straight line between two points.

so in order to update my blog, i’ve have to manually re-enter every individual blog entry by hand… er, mouseclick-cut-and-paste. this means i’ve had the definitive pleasure of rereading 160 entries that (more or less) have followed the path i’ve taken since october 2007. there are some diamonds in there, for sure. there is also a lot of bullshit. i love both equally.

i realize that radio silence i’ve maintained over the past six months have been entirely self-imposed. basically, i took a break from masturbating in front of the mirror with the blinds down, washed my hands, had a shower, and grabbed a beer before sitting down on the couch to watch the video i had running during the whole experience. apparently i had been filming in high definition because shit looks CRAZY on the 100″ lcd i got running in my head.

i moved to india. i got in a motorcycle accident in vietnam. i’ve toured around the world as an acrobatic yoga instructor. met some amazing people and learned some amazing things. went to burning man twice. i met beautiful women, learned to say i love you in many languages, and inevitably left them. i’ve lost friends, found them, only to learn that death is a part of life. i have sat in silence for ten days in motionless meditation. i got engaged. swam in oceans all around the world. had jumped jeeps over dunes in the arabian desert, kayaked archipelagos, mountain biked down mighty fjords. i moved to germany for one beautiful summer. successfully completed 5 months worth of yoga teacher training. my heart has been broken, reforged, and pushed to the extent of it’s strength. i’ve lived in so many versions of paradise that the very word itself will never sound the same.

i left my home in nyc on october 27th, 2007. i return to the states with intention to build a new one on october 26th, 2009. in 24 months, i have lived thousands of lives only to begin again with every new day.

it has taken me two years to learn one very important lesson. i have nothing more to prove to my Self. whatever it is, i can do it. the adventures are far from over. it’s not like i left nyc because things were boring– HUGE things happened during my decade there. the same thing applies to the nomadic robes i took on after casting off the metropolitan regalia that served me so well. just as i’ll always be a new yorker, part of me will always embrace the wanderlove that has served me so well.

in closing, i should go on record that i don’t necessarily feel that i am an internet-based masturbating narcissist, although i have totally been prone to bouts of grandiosity. the bottom line is that i’m fiercely proud of the life i lead and the decisions i make. aren’t you?

it should also be clear that i have no intention on stopping the blog either. whether i masturbate or masterfully bake, the main ingredient is love.

there you have it. i’m back and ready for more.

looking forward,

scott.

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